Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
