yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
well you can't waste a boner
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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