I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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