Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
