i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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