Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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