He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
