I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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