I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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