i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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