how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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