She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
