i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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