So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
