I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
