Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize