After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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