dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
