I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
