I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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