Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
