I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
