just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
