All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
