Kiss
Puke
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
