That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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