yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
