I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
