Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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