it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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