I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
