so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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