My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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