I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
