I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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