Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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