I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
