Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
