I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
