They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
