i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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