Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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