1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
