They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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