Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
