I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
