I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
