Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The power of my boobs compel you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
