new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
