pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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