day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
