I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize