Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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