and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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