capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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