I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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