Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
