just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
