We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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