I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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