I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You are a genius and a whore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
