what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
