ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
