bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
