im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
